Flashback--Cozumel 2010

Wyndam Resort in Cozumel

Ahhh, weddings.  Destination weddings.  In Cozumel.  How bad could that be?

In February, I was lucky enough to be able to attend my good friend Karin's wedding in Mexico.  I was excited, but had to get to the airport by 6 am for my flight.  I was also excited because on the way back I was going to pick up my new puppy Theo Ruffstable the 1st.  Now everybody knows the rule stating you should not hit on a person before 8 am, so I went to sit down to peacefully read my Puppies for Dummies book.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a big, burly, furry figure striding towards me.  He sat down next to me, but I thought nothing of it.  I continued reading, but paused when the big bear asked me "Are you doing homework?"  Now, even though black don't crack, do you really think a high school girl would be in the airport at the but crack of dawn reading Puppies for Dummies?  Can high schoolers even read?  I thought all they did was "conversate."  As I go to respond to him, I had to keep myself from bursting out laughing.  He's about 250 pounds, and wearing an enormous fur coat, fur hat, Timberlands, and and Sean Jean glasses--with the sticker still on them.

So "Big Lite", as he called himself, began to talk about his dog.  I didn't care.  He then told me that he had radio show in MANHATTAN (because people from Brooklyn aren't classy enough to go there) and that I should come be on his show because he has CELEBRITIES on there.  Big names I'm sure, like the Naked Cowboy, William Hung, Billy Ocean, maybe even Dylan from Making Da Band.

As Big Lite is talking to me, I notice something--he is sweating.  Profusely.  And mopping himself up with a tissue that is barely holding up.  Time to take off the chinchilla homie.  Of course, he asked if I was taken, and of course, I told him yes, to which he replied "You never know what fate may bring..."  And that was the end of Big Lite's interaction with me.

If I were Big Lite, I would ask fate to bring my big ass a sweat rag and a pocket fan.

Facebook kills your playa skillz

Signs that you are not so slick:  A certain female runs into a certain male that she hasn't seen for a few years.  The male tells the female that he has lost her number.  Female gives male the number, but can tell he doesn't remember her name (even though she knows his).  Male says they should hang out because they are now neighbors.  Female could care less if they hung out or not, but considered the possibility that he could pet sit for her.

Two days later, female is walking her dog and sees male, but he doesn't see her because he's busy talking to another female.  Male texts female and she calls him out on it, and he denies it because "He doesn't pick up females on the street."

Male texts female a few more times, but female ignores him.  Males then texts female saying "What's up Nicole?"  to which female replies "This is Toya."  Male then responds "I had you saved as Toya.  My bad.  What are you doing today?"

Female refrains from punching herself in the face and decides to again ignore the male.  But she felt the need to prove male's stupidity.  Since female had more than two brain cells that weren't fighting each other (the same could not be the same for the male)  she decided to look up the male on the wonderful web portal Facebook.  Lo and behold, there was the male!  With a status reading "in a relationship."  With a myriad of pictures of himself and his lovely girlfriend.

So the moral of the story is, female is way smarter than you, and will always figure you out.  Now run and tell dat homeboy.